Post by jhb on Mar 12, 2020 20:11:12 GMT
Atlanta Hawks
- Bradley Beal is the best player no one in the league gives enough credit, he may be the best wing defender left post-Kawhi and he also is an elite scorer efficiency wise; he is an absolute fucking stud muffin
- Is 1.306 pts/tsa as a team good?
- This team sucks ass at rebounding and it's going to cost them a title
Vancouver Grizzlies
- *Insert joke about Ewing Theory as it relates to Anthony Davis* *Insert comment about how that really isn't a joke*
- *Insert another joke telling Tim to eat shit over his poorly aged Kevin Durant takes*
- Hey, Dion Waiters is good again?
- Steve Mother Fucking "Former Bull" Kerr is your next Point God
Harlem Globetrotters
- *Bumps more poorly aged takes about how Mitch Richmond sucks, probably from JHB and Tim*
- Magic is the best PG in the league now and it isn't close, idgaf what the software says about Mike Conley
- What an embarrassment of riches in terms of elite skills in this frontcourt my word, between the shotblocking of Howard and Swift, the scoring of Manning, the rebounding of Manning and Howard, Al Horford's ability to do a little bit of it all; just fucking loaded
Portland Trail Blazers
- That's Bill Cartwright discussing his inevitable MVP win after absolutely dominating in every facet of the game, putting up 30 per on insane efficiency while never turning it over, ripping down 15 boards per game, and playing outstanding defense; what an absolute unit
- Alex English sucks, glad I didn't homer out for him a couple seasons ago
- I'm sure Sidney Moncrief's turnover issue isn't going to keep this team from continuing this .750 winning percentage pace all season right *wink*
- I see Majic is taking a page out of my point guard playbook except he forgot the part where they're supposed to not turn the ball over while sucking otherwise
Orlando Magic
- Skrouse's team is still contending after being declared officially dead by TimPig following an absolutely brutal TC for the boys
- Terry Cummings is a good building block and all the new guys really fucked up not getting him on a reasonable long-term deal
- Man, Walt Williams sure has turned it around after looking like a major, major disappointment early
- Okay maybe I was wrong earlier about Magic, Conley is looking real fucking good so far
Charlotte Hornets
- How the fuck is this team 4-2?
- Zarko contract still aging like hot dogshit (with two years still remaining) just as everyone but Fecta anticipated
- Calvin Murphy appears to be good
- Jim Paxson is good?
New Orleans Pelicans
- All the big man needed was a change of scenery apparently, way to wait until you leave Atlanta to finally block some shots asshole
- John Lucas and Calvin Murphy and the like seem to be trying to change the narrative about point guard talent in the league
- How the fuck is Willie Naulls still kicking around in this league
- *Majic complains yet again about Rod Strickland's build while lamenting that it is even worse in a wheel*
Chicago Bulls
- LeBron asking Brad Holland what the fuck he's doing while getting paid a mil per point per game scored
- "LeBron will be a SF this season"
- Dominique is looking mighty sexy, really seems like the meta is starting to change where wings are putting up big points
Dallas Mavericks
- That's Kyrie checking the standings, ha ha
- Welcome to the 'give the ball to Kyrie and let him pad his stats a little more for 82 games so he can solidify some more of the record book' world tour!
- So we'll go ahead and mark down Rik Smits 2033 as an outlier
- Marcus Smart looks pretty dang sexy
- What the heck is a Matt Geiger and where did it come from?
Detroit Pistons
- That gif is the league collectively mourning Julius Erving's career 1 sim into it
- I swear to god Bill Russell has played zero minutes, MIKE. MIKE. MIKE!
- People would be dismayed about Scott May's career prospects as well if anyone paid attention and had the eye for talent that I do
Miami Heat
- Time to shuffle the deck chairs on the Titanic and make sure we have don't have Darko or Abernethy on the books after this season
- Mo Williams appears to be solid
- This is the best sim iteration of Kyle Korver to date I SAID IT
- Why is Damian Lillard benched?
Tri-Cities Blackhawks
- "I wouldn't be at all shocked if we were the best Hawks this season"
Washington Bullets
- kn88 gonna need you to fill out that DC you're killing my preseason over/under bet
- It might be time to rebuild here
- Or build even
San Antonio Spurs
- But I was told Sleepy and Natt were going to be so good
- Darren Tillis wants so badly to be good but that scoring efficiency, oof
- Okaro White might have something but scrap the rest
Oakland Oaks
- Austin "Sam Jones 2.0" Carr buckle up buddy it's gonna be a bumpy ride
- Devin Harris is going to set records this year (spoiler: they aren't going to be good ones)
- Shoutout to Random Rankings for their great piece on the offseason makeover the playoff Oaks got, great journalism
- Bradley Beal is the best player no one in the league gives enough credit, he may be the best wing defender left post-Kawhi and he also is an elite scorer efficiency wise; he is an absolute fucking stud muffin
- Is 1.306 pts/tsa as a team good?
- This team sucks ass at rebounding and it's going to cost them a title
Vancouver Grizzlies
- *Insert joke about Ewing Theory as it relates to Anthony Davis* *Insert comment about how that really isn't a joke*
- *Insert another joke telling Tim to eat shit over his poorly aged Kevin Durant takes*
- Hey, Dion Waiters is good again?
- Steve Mother Fucking "Former Bull" Kerr is your next Point God
Harlem Globetrotters
- *Bumps more poorly aged takes about how Mitch Richmond sucks, probably from JHB and Tim*
- Magic is the best PG in the league now and it isn't close, idgaf what the software says about Mike Conley
- What an embarrassment of riches in terms of elite skills in this frontcourt my word, between the shotblocking of Howard and Swift, the scoring of Manning, the rebounding of Manning and Howard, Al Horford's ability to do a little bit of it all; just fucking loaded
Portland Trail Blazers
- That's Bill Cartwright discussing his inevitable MVP win after absolutely dominating in every facet of the game, putting up 30 per on insane efficiency while never turning it over, ripping down 15 boards per game, and playing outstanding defense; what an absolute unit
- Alex English sucks, glad I didn't homer out for him a couple seasons ago
- I'm sure Sidney Moncrief's turnover issue isn't going to keep this team from continuing this .750 winning percentage pace all season right *wink*
- I see Majic is taking a page out of my point guard playbook except he forgot the part where they're supposed to not turn the ball over while sucking otherwise
Orlando Magic
- Skrouse's team is still contending after being declared officially dead by TimPig following an absolutely brutal TC for the boys
- Terry Cummings is a good building block and all the new guys really fucked up not getting him on a reasonable long-term deal
- Man, Walt Williams sure has turned it around after looking like a major, major disappointment early
- Okay maybe I was wrong earlier about Magic, Conley is looking real fucking good so far
Charlotte Hornets
- How the fuck is this team 4-2?
- Zarko contract still aging like hot dogshit (with two years still remaining) just as everyone but Fecta anticipated
- Calvin Murphy appears to be good
- Jim Paxson is good?
New Orleans Pelicans
- All the big man needed was a change of scenery apparently, way to wait until you leave Atlanta to finally block some shots asshole
- John Lucas and Calvin Murphy and the like seem to be trying to change the narrative about point guard talent in the league
- How the fuck is Willie Naulls still kicking around in this league
- *Majic complains yet again about Rod Strickland's build while lamenting that it is even worse in a wheel*
Chicago Bulls
- LeBron asking Brad Holland what the fuck he's doing while getting paid a mil per point per game scored
- "LeBron will be a SF this season"
- Dominique is looking mighty sexy, really seems like the meta is starting to change where wings are putting up big points
Dallas Mavericks
- That's Kyrie checking the standings, ha ha
- Welcome to the 'give the ball to Kyrie and let him pad his stats a little more for 82 games so he can solidify some more of the record book' world tour!
- So we'll go ahead and mark down Rik Smits 2033 as an outlier
- Marcus Smart looks pretty dang sexy
- What the heck is a Matt Geiger and where did it come from?
Detroit Pistons
- That gif is the league collectively mourning Julius Erving's career 1 sim into it
- I swear to god Bill Russell has played zero minutes, MIKE. MIKE. MIKE!
- People would be dismayed about Scott May's career prospects as well if anyone paid attention and had the eye for talent that I do
Miami Heat
- Time to shuffle the deck chairs on the Titanic and make sure we have don't have Darko or Abernethy on the books after this season
- Mo Williams appears to be solid
- This is the best sim iteration of Kyle Korver to date I SAID IT
- Why is Damian Lillard benched?
Tri-Cities Blackhawks
- "I wouldn't be at all shocked if we were the best Hawks this season"
Washington Bullets
- kn88 gonna need you to fill out that DC you're killing my preseason over/under bet
- It might be time to rebuild here
- Or build even
San Antonio Spurs
- But I was told Sleepy and Natt were going to be so good
- Darren Tillis wants so badly to be good but that scoring efficiency, oof
- Okaro White might have something but scrap the rest
Oakland Oaks
- Austin "Sam Jones 2.0" Carr buckle up buddy it's gonna be a bumpy ride
- Devin Harris is going to set records this year (spoiler: they aren't going to be good ones)
- Shoutout to Random Rankings for their great piece on the offseason makeover the playoff Oaks got, great journalism
