Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2020 14:20:04 GMT
Tom Perez – Eric
Literally the embodiment of evil and corruption, Eric Perez does everything he can to keep the will of the people at bay. He uses big words and complicated analysis that always ends up boiling down to “no I don’t wanna”, and he would probably rather have Trump win again rather than have the league transformed forever by having a man of the people win a ring. Known to ignore obvious polling margins of victory for real change because of arbitrary thresholds and “rules” defined long ago by himself.
Trump – Timpig
Everyone wants to beat him. He thinks he’s the best. Now winning 4 titles while only “taking out a small loan of Lebron james” we see that true talent rises to the top. He gained support of the masses while promising to “drain the swamp” and “beat the establishment”, but as we have found out there are few that are more establishment than richy-rich Timpig. Only interested in using TMBSL to increase his own fame and wealth, while attributing any success had by others as being part of his own influence “Former Bull”, you must wonder if TMBSL can survive another 4 seasons with Timpig at the helm.
Bloomberg – JHB
No one ever liked him, hell he was probably considered worse than Trump a few seasons ago, but here we are. The olds think he’s the best chance to beat Timpig, even though he was aiding and abetting him just a few seasons ago to get us into this mess. However, his support level throughout his team is strong, and he has plenty of pennies to keep his team in the race, even though people still don’t like him.
Biden – Ward
He’s old, and he is always dubbed the frontrunner by default. Not as powerful as Timpig/JHB this election cycle, you always have to be worried about his ability to sneak up from behind and grab you in a big bearhug during the playoffs.
Bernie – Skrouse
A true man of the people. Considered one of the most consistent GMs of his tenure, he will oftentimes put together the strongest grassroots support of any candidate in the race for the TMBSL cup. This will yield sparse victories but even the best laid plans fall flat in the face of an unwinnable race rigged by the powers-that-be.
Warren – Delap
You were the chosen one. Smart, educated, in public education. A real woman of the people. Delap made his first mistake when he allowed himself to be goaded by the establishment to trade away KD for what basically became nothing. Since then his fall has been precipitous and his inability to garner any fractional support speaks to his team’s lack of a solid base. Sometimes being articulate isn’t enough, as time as moved on the TMBSL electorate has realized that Delap is just a tool in the shed of Eric to make sure the power stays in the same small group of hands as always. Unfortunately for Delap, those hands will never be his.
Pete – Kujo
The new guy that people thought was cool at first but turned out to just be a rat for the establishment powers that be. The only thing that makes this guy not Bloomberg is he has absolutely no chance to ever win anything, and he’s gay.
Tom Steyer – NewGuy
Everyone’s 3rd choice. No one is really sure why he is here, who he is, or where he came from However when he talks it doesn’t sound nearly as stupid as half the other people here, and he has a firm handshake and always looks you in the eye. It really speaks to the state of the league that someone like this can show up and have success, but this is just the nature of TMBSL in 2034.
Kamala Harris – Odin
No one is really sure why Odin does so poorly. He seemed to have it all, poise, intelligence, appeal to black people, with just the right mix of experience and youth to lead the league to the promised land. However, Odin was never able to get his team off the ground, even while raising millions of dollars. Oh well, maybe next time.
Klobuchar – Druce
Did you know Druce once stood in the snow both ways to win a championship? Did you know he has won a ring in every TMBSL district? Don’t count Druce out just yet, he’s got Drucementum and is from the Midwest. Realistically though, he has no chance, is known to fly into rages over tiny things and is incredibly unreliable (like the cars he likes to drive).
Deval Patrick – Majic
It’s kind of funny he is even in the race.
Yang – BK
