League Never Press Conference on the Elephant in the Room - The Elephant is the Bulls GM
Aug 24, 2019 18:37:11 GMT
Post by eric on Aug 24, 2019 18:37:11 GMT
CHICAGO, Illinois
The commissioner's office of THE Main Board Sim League league office officially held an official press conference today to address the festering discontent fostered by dis content: the Chicago Bulls' DC.
"Thank you all for coming. Hold for applause." began the commissioner, requiring a soft reboot (ladies) before continuing, "Fair is fair and facts are facts and human faces are human faces, and we have to face the facts. General Manager User Tim Pigulski wasn't fooling anybody, but he was correct to point out that Dolph Schayes' basketball card wasn't reflecting the stats in All Stats. Our office has spared no expense to recover the lost box scores from the early 2000s, and we are required by league charter to provide an updated Win Shares leaderboard."
The commissioner was required to wait literally thousands of hours for the uproar to die down.
"Third, congratulations to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar for taking #1 in career Win Shares, and congratulations to Miles Bridges for rising to number seven. Obviously we are aware that these two players are employed or highly regarded by the Chicago franchise, which was obviously Pigulski's intent all along in posting a Hall of Fame profile for a player he had no involvement with. We fully expect kn88 to file a grievance on behalf of his franchise's great player Simisola Shittu, but our human hands are tied. We also have no authority by which to force the general manager to play Kareem Abdul-Jabbar so that he might generate negative Win Shares and thus regain Shittu the top spot - if he wants to preserve the player's trade value, that is his right. End of line. End of file. End of press conference."
The commissioner's office of THE Main Board Sim League league office officially held an official press conference today to address the festering discontent fostered by dis content: the Chicago Bulls' DC.
"Thank you all for coming. Hold for applause." began the commissioner, requiring a soft reboot (ladies) before continuing, "Fair is fair and facts are facts and human faces are human faces, and we have to face the facts. General Manager User Tim Pigulski wasn't fooling anybody, but he was correct to point out that Dolph Schayes' basketball card wasn't reflecting the stats in All Stats. Our office has spared no expense to recover the lost box scores from the early 2000s, and we are required by league charter to provide an updated Win Shares leaderboard."
237.7 Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
236.6 Simisola Shittu
211.3 Cameron Reddish
203.3 Giannis Antetokounmpo
195.9 Amare Stoudemire
190.9 Trendon Watford
189.3 Miles Bridges
187.7 Livio Jean-Charles
182.1 Jay Williams
180.9 Champ GodboltThe commissioner was required to wait literally thousands of hours for the uproar to die down.
"Third, congratulations to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar for taking #1 in career Win Shares, and congratulations to Miles Bridges for rising to number seven. Obviously we are aware that these two players are employed or highly regarded by the Chicago franchise, which was obviously Pigulski's intent all along in posting a Hall of Fame profile for a player he had no involvement with. We fully expect kn88 to file a grievance on behalf of his franchise's great player Simisola Shittu, but our human hands are tied. We also have no authority by which to force the general manager to play Kareem Abdul-Jabbar so that he might generate negative Win Shares and thus regain Shittu the top spot - if he wants to preserve the player's trade value, that is his right. End of line. End of file. End of press conference."
