Post by TimPig on Aug 9, 2019 19:22:24 GMT
Atlanta HawksIt’s going to feel really good this offseason when Jonas Valanciunas leaves the dump that is Atlanta for the beautiful city of Chicago. It might even make up for the loss of Willis Reed (more on that below) but probably not because here in Chicago we like our stars homegrown.
Even with Larry Johnson nearing the end of his career, Valanciunas, Olden Polynice, Stephen Jackson, and God Shammgod are all still relatively young, and with those four this team will be in the playoff picture for the next 5-7 years at the very least assuming they don’t blow it up.
Unfortunately for the Hawks, they’ve made their living dealing future draft picks, and their next couple of picks aren’t lining up to be very high #wheel. That may make replacing Johnson hard, but the MLE bin has been kind to JHB so I wouldn’t be surprised to see him able to adequately fill the position there. Heck, considering he doesn’t even need his SF to be a big-time scorer, he may already have that future piece in Josh Smith, who looks like he plays solid defense and does enough on offense not to hurt you.
This team should be competitive for the next few years, but with no draft picks it’s going to be difficult to maintain strong depth or trade for much more than what’s already here.
Charlotte Hornets Fuck Willis Reed. The man who acted as the new face of the Bulls franchise, a title that Dave Lattin was so graciously willing to pass on, elected to pass on a seven-year max contract in order to build a brand in Charlotte where he could begin considering all of the post-career opportunities that bustling metropolis has to offer. Add it to the list of players who have spurned the Bulls because they didn’t want to be forced to live in the massive shadow that Romeo Langford had left behind.
But anyway, this looks like a classic case of Fecta-itis. Act as the worst GM in the league for 5-7 seasons, then have an unprecedented streak of good luck. It’s not quite Vince/Giannis/Yao luck, but Nash/Iguodala/Johnson is a pretty damn good run of high draft picks and then the kidnapping of Willis Reed and the acquisition of Dave Lattin puts this team in a good place for the next few years. With any luck, Lattin’s aging process will accelerate (it already may have) and the growth of the Hornets’ youngsters will stall. If both of those things happen, then we can happily relegate Fecta back to the bottom of the standings where he belongs.
Chicago BullsAfter getting sabotaged by another commissioner, the Bulls quickly entered the rebuild phase. Had Willis Reed returned, this team may have been able to make another run at a title with him, Polynice, Lattin, Andre Miller, Dennis Hopson, and Armen Gilliam. Instead, all of those players, plus the retired Giannis Antetokounmpo, are all gone. Giannis’ retirement would have already made winning a championship an uphill battle, and combining that with Reed’s departure made it impossible from GM TimPig ’s eyes.
So the rebuild started immediately, leaving the Bulls with the following picks:
2024: 1.2 and 1.5
2025: 1.2
2027: 1.2 and 1.3
Patience will be required, but this team has the draft picks to become competitive again in ~3 years, and then to get disappointed again a few short years later when all of those high draft picks leave money on the table to go elsewhere. It’s a tale as old as time.
Dallas Mavericks Another team that benefited from the Bulls tearing it down, perhaps more subtly, is the Mavs, who swiped Andre Miller for a garbage draft pick and a bad contract. I’m not sure why I made this trade - I think it was mostly because I was mad at Mike for having no idea what he was doing.
Miller has moved from being a very good point guard to being an elite shooting guard next to Kyrie Irving. DeMarcus Cousins gives this team a legit big three, and Miller’s acquisition moves them from a team tied up in two players to a contender with three.
Manu Ginobili is strong off the bench, though I think his contract will come back to bite the Mavs in the very near future. In the current, the team needs some more big depth to hang with the likes of the Globetrotters and Hawks in my opinion. Pau Gasol would probably look really good on this team. It’s too bad that his GM is really pushing to contend for a title this year.
Detroit PistonsAdd Bill Russell to the list of elite players who won’t win a championship because Mike is their GM. He joins potential future Hall of Famers (potential because they won’t ever have a profile written for them) Zan Tabak, Rick Fox, and Shawn Kemp. If Russell were to get +25 split between his inside and jumper, he’d be a solid offensive player in addition to being the best defender TMBSL 5.0 has ever seen. Alas, it’s a moot point because it won’t happen.
Russell sits somewhere around 27th on the list of players Mike plans to “camp” but won’t, including guys like the aforementioned Kemp, Ray Allen, Norm Nixon, and more I’m surely forgetting. Don’t bother trying to trade for anyone on this team either, as you’ll be met with “Nah I’m going to stick with what I have and camp <insert below average player here who will not only not get camped, but wouldn’t be good enough to make a difference regardless>.”
But as Mike likes to brag about, he doesn’t care and can’t be bothered to try.
Harlem GlobetrottersWard added a fifth trophy to his mantle last season and looks to soon unseat Muzunga as the winningest GM in TMBSL 5.0 history - something I think all of us can get on board with.
This team is set on the wings for the foreseeable future with Kawhi playing outstanding defense and Cazzie Russell’s supreme efficiency. Both are underpaid when you consider the value they’re bringing to their current team, but I guess that’s how things go when you’re a winner year in and year out.
Up front, Z-Bo and Vlade have shouldered much of the scoring load for years, but both are now over 30 and Vlade in particular is a free agent after this season. I’m not sure he’ll get a huge offer elsewhere, and with John Wall’s albatross contract coming off the books it’s likely Ward can bring him back for even cheaper.
I’d say this team would be in trouble a couple of years down the line when both of those bigs hit their mid-30s, but it seems like this team is constantly reloading and able to find hidden gems.
Miami Heat It’s pretty incredible that Kareem, far and away the best player that TMBSL 5.0 has seen, is going to end his career with only one title. Especially after spending the last few years playing with Tim Duncan and Nick Van Exel. It’s pretty obvious that KAJ is on the downside of his career, currently averaging over 7 points below his career average in the worst scoring season of his career (including only seasons where his GM set a DC for him).
With three max players in Kareem, Duncan, and NVE, it may be a minute before Odin can return to his “one-year max” strategy for free agents. I guess he can ride this thing out until he has the first draft pick in 2026, when known eric favorite Anthony Davis will make his long awaited debut in TMBSL. By that time, Duncan’s contract will expire and he’ll be 33 years old. Kareem and NVE will be 39 and 36 respectively, possibly out of the league and very unlikely still wearing a Heat uniform.
The Heat currently sit 24-7, so they may be able to make one more Finals run, but with a bad set of wings I’m not sure this group can keep up with some of the league’s top teams. After this year, things don’t look great.
Oakland OaksSam Jones was a fantastic draft pick made possible by the absence of SPL, but kudos to kujo for jumping on that opportunity. Klay Thompson was obviously an overpay and will be a great amnesty candidate as soon as Kujo gets the bucks to make that happen.
Penny is a solid point guard, though I think others are much higher on him than I am considering he doesn’t play defense or rebound at all. Pig Bomb: I recommended that Kujo don’t max either of Penny or Klay. He listened on one, though I didn’t have $12,500,000 over six years in mind as an alternative. Classic case of getting caught up in real-life names rather than actual sim league performance.
This team has the potential to add some building blocks with 1.4 in the upcoming draft and 1.3 the year after. If I’m Kujo, I’m seeing if there are any takers for Penny’s contract since he’s 31 and his age doesn’t fit with Sam Jones, who he should be trying to build around IMO. On another note, Antoine Walker looks like an upgrade-worthy candidate due to his very good rebounding and salvageable scoring. He won’t play defense ever, but I do think he could be a contributor on a team featuring a few other good players, which Kujo should have in the next couple of seasons.
Orlando MagicAnother team that was able to accomplish nothing despite having TMBSL’s GOAT, skrouse gets another chance after scoring 1.1 two years in a row and getting Bernard King and Wilt Chamberlain out of it, and then fleecing Odin for T-Mac in between. Those three are all relatively young and will make a great core, but both King and Chamberlain are pretty bad defenders. Scoring will never be a problem with those three, so if I’m Skrouse, I’m looking to fill in the gaps with a defensive stopper on the wing and a non-dogshit point guard like Muggsy Bogues or Bobby Hurley.
Kobe looks like he’s become worse through his earliest years and might be out of the league pretty soon if he can’t figure out some way to contribute. I expected Okafor to become an above average defender after a decent rookie season, but he looks like he’s regressed in that department as well.
In looking at this roster more closely, it’s actually pretty impressive how bad they are when it comes to defensive counting stats. T-Mac steals 2.3 balls per game, but outside of that, no one is averaging over one steal or one block. Ouch. This team is near the soft cap with not enough coming off the books any time soon to make a real splash, so it’ll be interesting to see if Skrouse can improve this team at all.
Portland Trail Blazers You almost have to feel bad for Majic at this point. He scored big with David Robinson, but outside of that, this team is overall very disappointing. Elgin needs all of his points to go towards inside to get that volume up, and if that happens, he and D-Rob might be enough to salvage this core with 1.1 belonging to Portland this offseason.
I cautioned Majic against paying Tobias Harris, but he did it anyway and is now locked into a player who is a slightly above average scorer but a below average rebounder and way below average defender. I’m not sure why Majic was so attached to a player he picked 8th overall, but I really feel like this Tobias signing is going to be what prevents this team from going anywhere.
Oh, and Kenny Smith. I offered Kenny somewhere around $8,000,000 or $8,500,000 escalating to stay in Chicago in order to keep my team together, but he was never a max consideration for me. Somehow Skrouse convinced Majic to take on his huge mistake, though I understand the desire to add a third player and the difficulty of remaining patient. Kenny’s been an excellent three-point shooter for his entire career and might be the second best point guard in the league on an outside offense, but the Blazers aren’t running that with David Robinson and Tobias Harris manning the inside. He’s a meh defender and doesn’t turn the ball over, but I think he makes two players on this team undeserving of max contracts.
Utah JazzWow. What a team.
It’s a bold strategy leaving $33,000,000 in soft cap space on the table but I’m excited to see how it plays out. You’re going to need every cent of that $33,000,000 plus the additional $30,000,000 in hard cap space if you want to be able to max Tree Rollins, Al Jefferson, Ben Poquette, and Jack Twyman when their contracts all run out.
Washington BulletsSadly Kn88 has caught a bad case of the Mikes and doesn’t upgrade his players. If he did, Greg Monroe and Dwight Howard are probably the best set of bigs in the league with an excellent third big coming off the bench in Elton Brand. They’d be complemented by a very good wing in Rick Barry and a point guard in Hal Greer with unbelievable scoring grades at draft time.
With 1.3 this year and 1.4 next year the potential to either add two young studs or flip those picks for proven players could put this team over the top, but I’m not sure I see it happening. Instead they flirt with .500 and, with any luck, will lose Greg Monroe to Chicago in free agency.
