Feelin' the Heat, GM Loses His Cool Rants about Relocating the Team
Oct 1, 2018 20:09:42 GMT
👨🏼⚕️delapandemic🚑, Druce, and 3 more like this
Post by yawn on Oct 1, 2018 20:09:42 GMT
“Miami is a shit hole built on a Native American burial ground near the Bermuda Triangle of suck. Nobody will ever win here, Benji Wilson forgot how to play defense because he was too busy getting Cancer Aids from the toxic atmosphere of this crap city. I’m sick of losing, I’m sick of having good talent but no team, and I’m sick of user Billy King. Fuck it, we’re looking to move.” Those were the words of Miami GM and known stable genius Yawn during a rant at Miami’s Nicklaus Children Hospital’s new cancer ward.
Stunned children and their parents looked on in shock as the millennial GM whined about how unfair it was for him to have to occupy the same chair where “Canes [the former Heat GM] probably spent all day farting and talking about his rec hockey team. It’s completely unfair. Zion is trash. I was sold a bale of goods and I’m not just going to sit here and take it like some whiny wimp. Bullshit.” Photos of several kids crying were soon plastered across social media and parents complained to Nicklaus Hospital officials about the spectacle.
Hospital officials were stunned by the outburst, but even more confused by the Heat GM's presence.
"He wasn't invited to speak, our grand opening isn't until next week and we have Pitbull and Enrique Iglesias coming to celebrate. I think he might have been kinda loaded," said Hospital Administrator Gregory Apartment
The Heat GM was led out of the building by his personal security detail muttering and was caught on film muttering, “Bones McKinney is Charmin soft and Chris Mihm is Viagra stiff.”
Yawn took over the franchise over five seasons ago, and what started as bright tenure has dimmed significantly. After locking down all world talent Zion Williamson, signing Benji Wilson and drafting potential Superstars in DerMarr Johnson and Ray McCallum Jr. expectations were raised for the franchise. Although these preternatural talents can score at will, their disdain for defense has the Heat GM nearing a breaking point according to sources close to the front office.
The rant comes at a terrible time for the South Beach franchise. After a bright 5-1 start, the team who many were hyping as a possible 7 seed in the East has collapsed, losing 8 of their last 10 and mired in mediocrity at 8-12.
How likely is it that the Heat move and what are some possible destinations? With the mercurial Yawn at the helm anything is really in play, although it’s just as likely that he forgets about it and is distracted by some other perceived grievances given his history of outlandish statements. Some sources say that Yawn is eyeing the possibility of moving the franchise to Cuba , one part for the rum and other to stick a finger in the eye of former GM Canes. Others point to Pittsburgh, the area of Yawn’s birth. Low cost of living (read: beer) and being able to get French fries on a steak salad are seen as major drawing points for the Steel City.
Although the Heat may stay, it seems GM Yawn has lost any goodwill in the city. But feelings for team stars is still strong. According to one child who witnessed the outburst , “Zion is awesome! Sure he doesn’t play defense and the team stinks, but I'll always pick the Heat in NBA2k18 because they're so overpowered. But yeah, that Yawn guy kind of seems like a real asshole.”
Stunned children and their parents looked on in shock as the millennial GM whined about how unfair it was for him to have to occupy the same chair where “Canes [the former Heat GM] probably spent all day farting and talking about his rec hockey team. It’s completely unfair. Zion is trash. I was sold a bale of goods and I’m not just going to sit here and take it like some whiny wimp. Bullshit.” Photos of several kids crying were soon plastered across social media and parents complained to Nicklaus Hospital officials about the spectacle.
Hospital officials were stunned by the outburst, but even more confused by the Heat GM's presence.
"He wasn't invited to speak, our grand opening isn't until next week and we have Pitbull and Enrique Iglesias coming to celebrate. I think he might have been kinda loaded," said Hospital Administrator Gregory Apartment
The Heat GM was led out of the building by his personal security detail muttering and was caught on film muttering, “Bones McKinney is Charmin soft and Chris Mihm is Viagra stiff.”
Yawn took over the franchise over five seasons ago, and what started as bright tenure has dimmed significantly. After locking down all world talent Zion Williamson, signing Benji Wilson and drafting potential Superstars in DerMarr Johnson and Ray McCallum Jr. expectations were raised for the franchise. Although these preternatural talents can score at will, their disdain for defense has the Heat GM nearing a breaking point according to sources close to the front office.
The rant comes at a terrible time for the South Beach franchise. After a bright 5-1 start, the team who many were hyping as a possible 7 seed in the East has collapsed, losing 8 of their last 10 and mired in mediocrity at 8-12.
How likely is it that the Heat move and what are some possible destinations? With the mercurial Yawn at the helm anything is really in play, although it’s just as likely that he forgets about it and is distracted by some other perceived grievances given his history of outlandish statements. Some sources say that Yawn is eyeing the possibility of moving the franchise to Cuba , one part for the rum and other to stick a finger in the eye of former GM Canes. Others point to Pittsburgh, the area of Yawn’s birth. Low cost of living (read: beer) and being able to get French fries on a steak salad are seen as major drawing points for the Steel City.
Although the Heat may stay, it seems GM Yawn has lost any goodwill in the city. But feelings for team stars is still strong. According to one child who witnessed the outburst , “Zion is awesome! Sure he doesn’t play defense and the team stinks, but I'll always pick the Heat in NBA2k18 because they're so overpowered. But yeah, that Yawn guy kind of seems like a real asshole.”
