Globetrotters Under Hard Cap, Cavaliers Still Need to Cut One
Sept 28, 2018 22:06:13 GMT
TimPig likes this
Post by eric on Sept 28, 2018 22:06:13 GMT
The league office processed a trade between the Harlem and Cleveland franchises today, bringing the Globetrotters under the eighty million U.S. dollar "hard" cap. This had abruptly become a source of considerable friction at the routine semi bi weekly league meeting held today. The textual intercourse began innocently enough when Harlem GM Ward Twodee self-reported the infraction and inquired about the penalty. An unnamed GM ice skated over to the table and demonstratively threw his gloves to the ground, yelling:
"It oughta be one million off next year's cap for every hour this guy's over the cap! Last time I checked he's at negative one trillion bucks! Urban Meyer was framed! Personally think going over the hard cap should be a significant punishment!"
In the stunned and confused silence that followed, cooler heads briefly prevailed when a league office press release typed in an unusually laid back font arrived.
"Maybe the punishment should be a fine. Whatever."
But cooler heads were no match for Billy "William" King Kings GM, who began begging for depth chart powers: odd since the commissioner was not actually there and so could not hear him, doubly odd since the Harlem coach would be under no penalty for ignoring them, and trebly odd since it is a matter of universal acclaim that Sacramento is a top five organization at setting depth charts. James Harden "'sBeard" threw further fuel on the fire by proposing baroque and geometrically implausible sex acts to be performed by the offending GM, but order was restored by the notoriously even keeled to the point of possibly being comatose Miami general manager Don John Yawn.
"My DC... was on time."
The assembled GMs considered the wisdom in this non sequitur before he continued "I don't know if it was correct," at which point he left the room, acquired and consumed chicken nuggets at what multiple eyewitnesses have confirmed as the Union Station McDonald's, and returned, adding "but it one hundred percent was on time."
After the trade, trans-millennial champion and New York Knicks GM Eric Roe Bought shook this reporter's hand, looked us in the eye, and insisted on going on record:
"I don't know what the kerfuffle is about. If you ask me it's a solution in search of a problem. They're making a mountain out of a molehill."
"I'm still talking," Bought continued. "It's a tempest in a teapot. There's no use crying over spilled milk. That's the way the cookie crumbles, and that's the way the mop flops. They started it, and I'll finish it!"
That's why they call him James "Do it Big" Dolan.
"It oughta be one million off next year's cap for every hour this guy's over the cap! Last time I checked he's at negative one trillion bucks! Urban Meyer was framed! Personally think going over the hard cap should be a significant punishment!"
In the stunned and confused silence that followed, cooler heads briefly prevailed when a league office press release typed in an unusually laid back font arrived.
"Maybe the punishment should be a fine. Whatever."
But cooler heads were no match for Billy "William" King Kings GM, who began begging for depth chart powers: odd since the commissioner was not actually there and so could not hear him, doubly odd since the Harlem coach would be under no penalty for ignoring them, and trebly odd since it is a matter of universal acclaim that Sacramento is a top five organization at setting depth charts. James Harden "'sBeard" threw further fuel on the fire by proposing baroque and geometrically implausible sex acts to be performed by the offending GM, but order was restored by the notoriously even keeled to the point of possibly being comatose Miami general manager Don John Yawn.
"My DC... was on time."
The assembled GMs considered the wisdom in this non sequitur before he continued "I don't know if it was correct," at which point he left the room, acquired and consumed chicken nuggets at what multiple eyewitnesses have confirmed as the Union Station McDonald's, and returned, adding "but it one hundred percent was on time."
After the trade, trans-millennial champion and New York Knicks GM Eric Roe Bought shook this reporter's hand, looked us in the eye, and insisted on going on record:
"I don't know what the kerfuffle is about. If you ask me it's a solution in search of a problem. They're making a mountain out of a molehill."
"I'm still talking," Bought continued. "It's a tempest in a teapot. There's no use crying over spilled milk. That's the way the cookie crumbles, and that's the way the mop flops. They started it, and I'll finish it!"
That's why they call him James "Do it Big" Dolan.