Breaking: African Missionary Blows Students, Feels "Hot Steamer Coming"
Sept 14, 2018 11:41:28 GMT
TimPig likes this
Post by Druce on Sept 14, 2018 11:41:28 GMT
On the heels of recent claims of assault, harassment, and general misdeeds TMBSL was rocked this morning when Reginald Watkins IOS long time league affiliate openly admitted to pedophilia.
"I blew some 12 year olds," said Watkins on a recording "I can feel a hot steamer coming, let's see how this goes."
After the leaked audio was published Watkins was asked about the number of the transgressions, to which he replied: "I said 26 but I'm 25 years old."
League officials declined comment but many expect a harsh punishment to come down as the league has recently been mired in controversy. The league has been working diligently with a public relations firm to tighten up their image in an effort to attract both new fans and re-ignite the passion of former fans. These developments are sure to throw a wrench in those plans.
"Honestly I'm not surprised. We've known for years this league in general has many scumbags in positions of relative power. We just got rid of a completely corrupt commissioner and have seen general managers leave the league to avoid public shaming and being outed." said Michael Esteban Rodriguez Martinez, Denver Nuggets head man, "I'd like to think I joined a league of honorable men but that's just not true. I've accepted it at this point and have embraced the culture here in Denver, if you know what I mean."
Speculation regarding potential punishment for Watkins has ranged from a docking of draft picks and hefty fine to absolutely nothing. We've learned the league has sent a team to Uganda to conduct a thorough investigation though some speculate they are simply trying to cover themselves. One anonymous general manager had this to say:
"No matter what comes of the investigation you guys are going to spin it like the league is lying, it doesn't matter what is found out." he continued, "It's [redacted] how you spin anything positive to make it seem like the league is lying. There was no actual arrest so what he said during the press conference was technically accurate, you [redacted] leaches. McMurphy was asking purposefully leading questions and nothing will sully the name of THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY, OK? OK!?!"
"I blew some 12 year olds," said Watkins on a recording "I can feel a hot steamer coming, let's see how this goes."
After the leaked audio was published Watkins was asked about the number of the transgressions, to which he replied: "I said 26 but I'm 25 years old."
League officials declined comment but many expect a harsh punishment to come down as the league has recently been mired in controversy. The league has been working diligently with a public relations firm to tighten up their image in an effort to attract both new fans and re-ignite the passion of former fans. These developments are sure to throw a wrench in those plans.
"Honestly I'm not surprised. We've known for years this league in general has many scumbags in positions of relative power. We just got rid of a completely corrupt commissioner and have seen general managers leave the league to avoid public shaming and being outed." said Michael Esteban Rodriguez Martinez, Denver Nuggets head man, "I'd like to think I joined a league of honorable men but that's just not true. I've accepted it at this point and have embraced the culture here in Denver, if you know what I mean."
Speculation regarding potential punishment for Watkins has ranged from a docking of draft picks and hefty fine to absolutely nothing. We've learned the league has sent a team to Uganda to conduct a thorough investigation though some speculate they are simply trying to cover themselves. One anonymous general manager had this to say:
"No matter what comes of the investigation you guys are going to spin it like the league is lying, it doesn't matter what is found out." he continued, "It's [redacted] how you spin anything positive to make it seem like the league is lying. There was no actual arrest so what he said during the press conference was technically accurate, you [redacted] leaches. McMurphy was asking purposefully leading questions and nothing will sully the name of THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY, OK? OK!?!"
