Post by TimPig on Jul 7, 2018 19:17:23 GMT
In the final hours before the free agency period officially opens, the Minnesota Timberwolves were able to offload one of their uglier contracts, sending Chalky Studebaker and his max deal, along with cash considerations, to the Vancouver Grizzlies.
Studebaker's tenure in Vancouver was short lived, however, as new general manager Odin Hedgehell immediately used the amnesty clause on the 32-year-old small forward, who averaged 16.7 points per game and 6.2 rebounds per game last season.
"Why the (expletive) would I want that (expletive) piece of (expletive) on my team?" Hedgehell asked TM(bsl)Z, before pausing for 15 minutes while waiting for an answer to what most thought was a rhetorical question. "He's a worthless (expletive) sack of (expletive) (expletive). Plus, we have Trendon Watford at that position already and I have it on good authority that he's the most talented guy in this league."
When pressed to elaborate further on his supposed inside knowledge, Hedgehell simply commented, "Because I'm the (expletive) Lizard King."
In return for Studebaker and cash, the T-Wolves receive Slim Charles, Chandler Hutchinson, and Halawi Winabi. All three are on expiring contracts after this season and are not expected to be brought back, preparing Minnesota to be a player in 2005 free agency, when big names such as Harry Gallatin, Jake Shuttlesworth, and Benji Hammon are expected to hit the open market.
Studebaker was originally acquired by the T-Wolves from the Washington Wizards prior to the 2002 season. Despite being signed to a max contract, he had never been named an all-star or won any sort of postseason award. He was also 30 years old.
The trade was widely panned at the time, as the Timberwolves sent three first round picks and cash considerations to the Wizards for the aging Studebaker.
"Her?" commented one anonymous general manager at the time.
"A lot to give up for a guy who shot 34% from 3 last year," said another.
"Look, I was in a bad place," said Wolves general manager Ian Boyd when asked why he ever thought acquiring Studebaker would be a good idea. "I found out that my wife had been sleeping with someone in the Chicago Bulls organization for years and I just needed something to take my mind off of that. Not only did I find out he was smarter and better looking and really good at his job and also Asian, but I also realized I had been funding their romantic trysts for years. I'd been paying for her to go visit her 'sister'."
"It was a tough pill to swallow and if that news ever got out, I'd lose what little credibility I had," Boyd continued, despite this reporter's constant pleas for him to stop, as the story had already reached embarrassingly depressing levels. "I needed something else to cover it up and the trade seemed like the perfect solution. Little did I realize that it would damage my reputation more than being cucked for four years."
The Chicago Bulls organization could not be reached for comment.
Studebaker's tenure in Vancouver was short lived, however, as new general manager Odin Hedgehell immediately used the amnesty clause on the 32-year-old small forward, who averaged 16.7 points per game and 6.2 rebounds per game last season.
"Why the (expletive) would I want that (expletive) piece of (expletive) on my team?" Hedgehell asked TM(bsl)Z, before pausing for 15 minutes while waiting for an answer to what most thought was a rhetorical question. "He's a worthless (expletive) sack of (expletive) (expletive). Plus, we have Trendon Watford at that position already and I have it on good authority that he's the most talented guy in this league."
When pressed to elaborate further on his supposed inside knowledge, Hedgehell simply commented, "Because I'm the (expletive) Lizard King."
In return for Studebaker and cash, the T-Wolves receive Slim Charles, Chandler Hutchinson, and Halawi Winabi. All three are on expiring contracts after this season and are not expected to be brought back, preparing Minnesota to be a player in 2005 free agency, when big names such as Harry Gallatin, Jake Shuttlesworth, and Benji Hammon are expected to hit the open market.
Studebaker was originally acquired by the T-Wolves from the Washington Wizards prior to the 2002 season. Despite being signed to a max contract, he had never been named an all-star or won any sort of postseason award. He was also 30 years old.
The trade was widely panned at the time, as the Timberwolves sent three first round picks and cash considerations to the Wizards for the aging Studebaker.
"Her?" commented one anonymous general manager at the time.
"A lot to give up for a guy who shot 34% from 3 last year," said another.
"Look, I was in a bad place," said Wolves general manager Ian Boyd when asked why he ever thought acquiring Studebaker would be a good idea. "I found out that my wife had been sleeping with someone in the Chicago Bulls organization for years and I just needed something to take my mind off of that. Not only did I find out he was smarter and better looking and really good at his job and also Asian, but I also realized I had been funding their romantic trysts for years. I'd been paying for her to go visit her 'sister'."
"It was a tough pill to swallow and if that news ever got out, I'd lose what little credibility I had," Boyd continued, despite this reporter's constant pleas for him to stop, as the story had already reached embarrassingly depressing levels. "I needed something else to cover it up and the trade seemed like the perfect solution. Little did I realize that it would damage my reputation more than being cucked for four years."
The Chicago Bulls organization could not be reached for comment.
